‘Hey Jupiter’ is not only the name of one of my favourite songs by Tori Amos (click here), but also the name of a French breakfast joint in downtown Adelaide, much recommended.

It certainly had the classic good looks of a Parisian street-side scene, if not the crowds milling past, someone smoking a Gitane outside over a cafe au lait and croissant… But it looked authentic!

Inside was pretty, if quite a tight space. I fancied a typical French breakfast, a croissant, coffee and some fresh fruit.

Astonishingly, they had no croissants (it was not yet 9am) but after much prompting were able to produce a pain au chocolat from its hiding place in the pastry cupboard. There it should have stayed, lacking any resemblance to a French breakfast pastry, typically crumbly, crisp and buttery laminations; this was at least a day old. Not good.

My small fruit dish was generous in proportion but lacked any fruit of which I’m a fan. The plums were hard and bitter, in positives, the orange well-cut and blackberries an unexpected star. I gave up eating this about halfway through, my teeth starting to erode from the amount of fruit acid in this underripe plateful.

It’s a reminder to me to make a specific recommendation (e.g., “try out the freshly baked croissants if they have them in stock, avoid other options”). So that’s my recommendation! Incidentally, dear Tripadvisor reviewers complaining about service, the handsome but surly waiter is a staple of French cafes and this one is to be recommended on both his qualities.